PEDs In Baseball? Fuck You. Go Away, You Cheaters...

With today's news that Milwaukee Brewers' outfielder Ryan Braun finally copped to cheating via performance enhancing drugs (PEDs), and was suspended for the remainder of the season without pay, maybe we can finally say that Major League Baseball is, finally, getting close to getting it right.

But, is it a case of too little too late? I guess you'd have to ask the kids in Milwaukee.

Given how Braun kinda, sorta skipped by on a technicality before the 2012 season (the "chain of custody" defense); and, given how doggedly and vociferously he held to that defense (and with such arrogant indignity!), his carefully worded admission of some sort of guilt today cuts at, not merely the kids in Milwaukee-- but at the kid in all of us who still love the game of baseball, and want to believe in it's veracity.

As I write this, well past being a kid by any definition, I am sickened and saddened by today's event; even as I (a mere fan) am breathing a simultaneous sigh of relief.

I wanted, like all hell, to believe that Braun had been railroaded in the previous controversy! His very game looked to be so pure: Everything from his joy, to his easy swing, to the throws he made, made him a blast to watch-- so when the first allegations against him came down well over a year ago, I was among those who fell into the "no way!" camp.

Even as a small, dark part, deep inside cautioned against my flag-waving, fan reaction.

We'd been here before....

I need not lay out the litany of names: We all know them; though it is now fairly unlikely those who vote for Hall Of Fame inductions remember them now:

Most of an entire generation of stunning diamond achievement not lost; merely exposed for chicanery that, after the '94 strike, was kind of ignored by all involved.

Including US, the fans.

Yes, we as fans, are absolutely complicit.

We saw McGwire, Sosa, Bonds suddenly strike to new heights between '98-'01, and all we did was gawk at the moon, and say nothing! Yes, to baseball fans, these hallowed records toppling was kind of an awesome thing to behold in the moment, weren't they? "Hey, I watched as McGwire hugged the Maris family on September 8, 1998, blah, blah, blah..."; and wasn't that touching?

Yes, it was.

It was also a lie. A lie to the fans. A lie to history. A lie to the very game itself.

But, it was so monumental that we all just let these fake successors to Ruth and Maris just jerk off all over our faces; because we wanted baseball to be back after the strike of 4 years previous. We wanted baseball to comfort us again.

Doesn't make us (the fans) bad people; nor does it necessarily make those players involved bad people, either.

This is where it gets complicated:

You and I are just fans. Doesn't mean we're not invested; but, if you're like me, your competitive baseball career ended after high school. For the guys with better eyes at the plate, better arms on the mound, or better defensive skills, the end of high school suddenly made things all real.

At that point came the stink of money.

If you need anyone to write a detailed account of how PEDs can possibly fast-track a prospect into MLB greatness, perhaps you should check out here, as my thesis is about to possibly get a bit weird on you.

I was a very good high school athlete. Even before then, once I lost fear of a ball hitting me in the face (4th grade), I'd been good at sports. I was good/great at football, baseball and basketball all through high school.

On a football field, I could throw a ball 70 yards, on a line. On the baseball field, I could pick all the short throws at first base, and was a pretty decent hitter.

Oh yeah, I was also a flake and a bit of a stoner fuckhead. This might explain why my athletic 'career' ended soon after I fell in love with cigarettes and weed.

I'm okay with that.

Just as I am okay with the following contradictory logic in my head:

While I feel completely betrayed by McGwire, Sosa, Bonds (ecchh!), Ramirez, Braun, Rodriguez, and the like; I am A-Okay with my man, Dock Ellis.

(No kids, don't try this at home)

It has now gone into the realm of a folk tale; but, according to the late Dock Ellis, on June 12, 1970 he did something kind of incredible. This long-repeated tale has Dock, pitching that day against the San Diego Padres, throwing a no-hitter.

ON ACID.

I mean, tripping balls, on acid.

Can't say I saw it, as I was 7; but, I wanna believe it. I really do.

As a fan.

As a so-called 'writer', I wanna analyze/explore this more against the tableau of PEDs, and the shadow they've cast over the game in the past 20+ years.

By way of full disclosure, I love booze, hallucinogenics, weed, blah blah blah.

And, I want ALL drugs out of all major sports. Not just PEDs; but also the weed, coke, speed, etc....

Yes, I admit that I am a total fucking hypocrite in the sense that I think it was cool Dock Ellis threw fastballs at the Padres while seeing trails off his hand on that long ago June day; while, in the same breath I can hit Ryan Braun (a player I root for) with some sanctimonious "say it ain't so, Joe!" utter fucking bullshit, just because of the waist deep denial I've been in.

In the end, as a fan, I am hopeful that the MLBPA finally will, at some point, embrace an aggressive set of tests to eradicate, once and for all, the doubt we all now feel, as fans, dropping just above our heads.

Fluids, hair samples, skin/tissue biopsies, etc...If you've got nothing to hide, then you've got not problem!

Lawyers, CBAs and all the rest are just smoke/mirrors bullshit! Drop your needles, level the field and make baseball pure again, right?

And, despite having said that, I still say Dock Ellis dropping and then tripping while firing zeros against the Padres is still just too badass for words.

I wouldn't recommend it; but, in a different era, with different mores, Dock was the guy to pull it off.

May he rest in peace.

Mitch Kupchak Cutting Himself Listening To Joy Division?

DWIGHT, WE ALREADY KNEW YE...
(By Chris Checkman)

There are many fans of the Los Angeles Lakers who are today cursing the hell out of Dwight Howard.

This is understandable.

Howard is the most physically imposing center of this generation-- and, despite the myriad flaws in his game (can't shoot free throws; has limited offensive skills beyond those near the rim, blah blah blah...), ANY team with the cash to blow would've wanted him.

Totally understandable.

By way of full disclosure, I've been a Lakers fan since the most bitchy parts of the Vietnam war: I was in 4th grade during the 33 game winning streak, and I was mesmerized. Names like Sharman, Chamberlain, Goodrich speak volumes to me. Especially the name of Jerry West.

Every kid back then wanted to shoot like Jerry; and we all tried to emulate his perfect form.

In other words, though merely a fan, I'm familiar with this franchise...

So, when Dwight Howard Tweeted about his choice being the Houston Rockets, and then Kobe countered by unfollowing Dwight on Twitter, and then posting a shot on Instagram of him and Pau Gasol, apparently taking a casual stroll along the banks of the Seine, my head just fucking EXPLODED.

In the time since Dwight Howard Twittled that he's gonna go with the Houston Rockets, Twitter has basically exploded with a whole bunch of "fuck you nigger", "YOU FAG!", kinda posts. And, if you're wondering why I didn't censor the words of others, I just thought it okay to remind everyone, again, that we live among a knot of heaving, hissing vipers; so, don't get too many stars/stripes in your eyes, okay?

Still a lot of closeted bigotry out there. Fuck 'em. (that's my not so subtle thing here...okay, moving on)

Bigotry aside, I get the frustration with Dwight Howard. As a Lakers fan, I'd have wanted him to stay; but, from the day he came here, I knew he was a one year whore. Period.

And, I knew this without having any insider friends or informants anywhere near the action. And it's not that I am so smart of aware, either!

My prior knowledge of this had nothing to do with anything more than seeing (as a regular NBA fan) how Dwight Howard had conducted himself since he came into the league.

UH-OH. RED FLAGS.

If, I thought, a fucking idiot like me can see these flags, surely my Lakers are aware of them, right?! They know well that, while Howard seems like a good guy; he is a bit of a head case, and coach-killing flake, right?

And, coming off back surgery.

Nonetheless, the Lakers brought him on for a year, in the hope they could sign him long term. Even then, this gave me a bad feeling.

Really bad.

But, when they fired head coach Mike Brown 5 games into the season, and then PASSED on Phil Jackson in favor of Mike D'Antoni, it was clear this was never gonna work out.

And, despite a late season rally that gave some fans hope; this Laker team ended where it should've, exactly how it should've....

(Fucking sucks that Kobe will now be a mobile as post-Achilles Dan Marino was after same injury)

So, here we are. The Lakers' fans on Twitter and other social media sites seem to all wanna gang up on Howard. Sometimes, this is in a rather horrific, bigoted/shitty way.

Not cool, closet Klansmen; just sorta fucked.

Problem is, from my perspective, we Lakers fans are looking at this in an ass-backwards way. This was never Dwight Howard's problem or burden; it was that of the Lakers...

In a free market enterprise, with the NBA's collective bargaining agreement looming overhead, Dwight Howard had every right to exercise every legal option at his disposal. And he did just that. That is totally fair; and you can't fault him for this.

So, the Lakers then played their card: We can offer you $30M more than anyone else, we have a championship tradition, this is Hollywood, branding, blah blah...

And Howard skipped off to Houston, leaving THAT $30M on the table anyway.

So?

Well, to me, what it comes down to is dignity. It is easy to knock Howard, given the sheer number of holes he's put in his own armor. He's an immature, clownish, narcisstic brat with an unusually thin skin:

He wants attention, only as long as it is positive. The negative shit wilts him like a moth under a fat kid's magnifying glass.

His physical gifts cannot be denied; but, when weighed against the thinner parts of his psychic armor, the whole package is called into question.

Dwight Howard is an immensely gifted specimen in terms of what he can do on the court. He also seems like a nice guy, one you would want to root for. But, he was never Laker material. Ever.

And the Lakers should've known it...

I'm gonna assume those of you who've read this far know Lakers history; as I'm too fucking lazy to repeat it here.

Dwight Howard, nice fellow that he is, never had that thing Lakers fans think of when they remember previous greats like George Mikan, Wilt, Kareem, Magic, Byron, Worthy, Shaq, etc...

Not just centers; but, Laker greats. Gotta include my all-time favorite basketball players here: Michael Cooper (killer defense; the Coop-a-loop; willed himself to be a great outside shooter) and Kurt Rambis (tough as fuck; great on the boards; backed down from NOBODY; eventually developed a nice little midrange jumper...)

I've loved ALL the Lakers teams (even the few shitty ones) since I first discovered them as a little shit; but, with all the superstars (whom I have loved), my main guys were Coop and Rambis.

And for a reason.

The (east coast) media used to paint the Lakers as some sort of superficial Hollywood joke; and the Finals against the Celtics were portrayed as Showtime vs. the Lunchpail crowd-- and I cannot tell you how much this used to piss me off!

To the national media, the Lakers were just flash; while Boston was about hard work, and were the embodiment of the soul of the game...

I loved Magic, Kareem, McAdoo, et al; and I am a student of the history of the league, and have been for 40 years.

Yet, my 2 all-time favorite players were, despite wearing L.A. uniforms, the ultimate in grinders. Sure, Coop and Rambis wore purple and gold; but, I'll say here that no other tandem in NBA history holds any sway over them. You might find an equal tandem. You'll never find one better.

Period.

And so we hit the home stretch. Finally.

While my kneejerk reaction upon first hearing the news was to blame Howard; the feelings that I held well before his not at all shocking decision bore themselves out-- and this mess was not Dwight Howard's fault at all...

The blame lies solely in laps of what can be, most charitably, termed the Lakers' brain trust.

The billboards, the banners, the public manipulation...! WHAT THE FUCK?!

It was like some through-the-looking-glass thing where up/down are reversed; and suddenly the Lakers are the desperate fat chick trying to pay for a date to the prom.

The fucking Los Angeles Lakers, now reduced to bringing in their tv provider to try and sway a physically gifted/emotionally troubled waffling manchild to stay by having their tv partner offer him some sort of tv show,blah blah blah?

This fuckup is not Howard's fault, it is squarely on the shoulders of the Los Angeles Lakers franchise. Understand that I am NOT calling losing Howard to Houston the "fuckup"-- as anyone with a brain (not you, Jim Buss) saw this coming...

The "fuckup" itself is the entire PR campaign launched by a now-desperate franchise under the leadership of the idiot son, who rules not by guile or knowledge; but by the seat of his relaxed fit pants.

Jim Buss had a chance to save all of this, early last November. He could've wrapped up Howard and secured a real run toward a title in one fell swoop:

Uncle Phil.

Instead, he went all arrogant, let any personal issues fuck things up; and decided to go with Mike D'Antoni as head coach in the wake of the Mike Brown firing, 5 games into the regular season.

The greatest coach in the history of the sport was all lined up to ride in and save the day-- AND WERE IT NOT FOR JIM BUSS' PERSONAL AGENDA, UNCLE PHIL WOULD'VE BEEN THERE.

But, Jim Buss went with D'Antoni, seemingly out of spite; and the rest is history.

THAT'S why Dwight Howard is Houston bound right about now. THAT'S why the Lakers are in a chaotic personnel/PR-based free fall right about now.

The billboards, the signs, the manipulative begging, using the media/social media as easy and complicit drooling accomplices-- what did this do?

It left a brown shit stain on the normally immaculate purple and gold. Sort of a reminder that even pillars and institutions are no less subject to checks and balances-- and should be no less aware of the pitfalls when they stumble away from the core principles that made them successes and icons in the first place.

It's okay, Lakers fans, to bitch at Howard for leaving; but, if you look a little closer, you'll see that the problem wasn't the physically gifted yet immature center. It was the chaos within the organization.

Period.

Welcome to Teagle/Ceballos/Threatt, v 2.0

It's gonna be ugly for awhile, Lakers fans.

chris checkman

See You Next Tuesday, Rational Thought

 

So, another Academy Awards show has come and gone; and, as usual, everyone had something to gripe about. My main beef was with host Seth MacFarlane. Not because he went balls out for the jugular; but because his material was his typical weak-assed, smug faux-snark, intended to be "edgy"-- when in fact it's just forced "outrageousness" trying to pass as something with an actual purpose and point of view.

 

That's what offended me most.

 

Apparently, I am in the minority; for while I was repeatedly hissing "lame!" at the screen, a good deal of the rest of the Oscar-watching universe were slashing their wrists or setting themselves on fire in the streets over The Onion's now-infamous tweet regarding 9 year old actress, Quevenzhane Wallis.

 

In case you missed said tweet, here it is:

 

"Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quevenzhane Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?"

 

Now, of course, The Onion has long since issued the type of apology expected when a firestorm of misguided PC shit comes a-rainin' down on some poor fool's head-- and as much as I wish they hadn't bowed, they were trying to minimize the PR damage that can often come from masses of people who go batshit crazy in their haste to overreact in the STRONGEST AND MOST STRIDENT AND SERIOUS TERMS POSSIBLE...

 

While The Onion neither needs nor (I'm sure) wants defending from the likes of me, I'm gonna toss in my two cents anyway...

 

Why not?

 

I am a huge fan of Twitter, even as I admit there are a number of things about it that infuriate the hell out of me: The narcissism (which ALL Twitter people, myself included, perpetuate on a constant basis), the bad "joke forms" that fly around like mutating virii of idiocy, people taking endless pictures of themselves at the wheel of their '93 Geo Metros, etc., etc...

 

Don't get me started on Favstar. That one has a couple thousand words coming; just not today.

 

So, like a lot of people, I both dig and despise Twitter, in ever-fluctuating measures. It's rather infuriating...

 

And, so it was Sunday evening when it came to The Onion's tweet about Quevenzhane Wallis. When it hit, it was soon followed by a tidal wave of what can only be described as irrationally virulent and weepy sanctimony. Though the tweet was deleted fairly quickly, the damage was done and people were looking for blood. Well, they weren't looking for blood so much as they were looking to outdo one another by stating their objections in the most breathlessly purple shades possible.

 

And it was fairly nauseating.

 

Look, I'm not saying it was The Onion's best line ever, as it was not. But, unlike Seth MacFarlane (in my opinion), they get a pass; as even their second tier material is still better than anything that hack has done in his fratboy-pandering life...

 

To me that was the biggest objection: On it's own, at the time it was tweeted, it wasn't that strong a joke. Now, two days later, after all the hand-wringing and talking head pieces on all the news networks, that tweet has walked into comedy legend.

 

You heard me.

 

The more people tried to outdo each other in their strident opposition of The Onion, the funnier the tweet became, and it really began to take on a life of it's own through those who strode the streets of the internet, like a band of PC zombies, looking to beat anyone senseless with their florid condemnation of a silly little tweet that became stronger and stronger the more these weeping blowhards plugged in their lutes and played their howling madrigals.

 

For the record, the tweet did NOT contain any of what is now termed "hate speech": No racism, no homophobia, no jingoistic flag-waving nationalism, no knocks on various cultures, lifestyles, religions, etc., etc., etc...

 

And, no sexism.

 

I cannot even believe I had to write those words; but, then again, I couldn't believe it when I began reading Twitter folks excoriating The Onion for their 'virulent misogyny' in the hours after the tweet first came and went.

 

Charges of misogyny and sexism may not be as bad as being accused of pedophilia and the like; but they're pretty serious, and shouldn't be tossed around so lightly. While it is great that we live in a culture becoming ever more attuned to the various needs and sensitivities of all our citizens, there is an ever-increasing danger that pretty soon most everything is gonna be off limits-- and how much would (or should I say "will"?, because that's where we're headed...) that suck?

 

I believe the word we're looking for here is "context", people. "Context".

 

Instead of just seeing words, and firing up the righteous indignation app on the iPhone, how about attempting to justify the notion of evolution by taking those opposable thumbs off the touchscreen keyboard for a couple of moments, and instead using our reason to try and put things into (multiple choice):

A)A simple rhyme scheme

B)A makeshift grave under the porch

C)Your stepdad's skinny jeans

D)Context

 

Yes, I get that the use of the word "cunt" is a rather touchy and polarizing subject for a lot of people; and when used in a tweet about a 9 year old who just happens to be a girl, it can go downright inflammatory.

 

Again, context...

 

The word "cunt" could easily have been switched out for "asshole", "jerkoff" and any number of others; including, yes, "dick".

 

Suppose the child thespian in question had been a 9 year old boy, and the word "dick" was used instead. Still harsh, calling a child such a name, yes; but, any sexist, or even sexualized, overtones there? No.

 

And, while I was not present at the conception of the Wallis/"cunt" tweet, I'd bet my life that there was no sexist/sexualized intent on the part of the author(s), who've no doubt been hung out to dry since.

 

It's just a tripwire of a word, that's all! And it can make people, of both sexes, go nuts. But, like it's cousin, "fuck", "cunt" has evolved to mean more than it's original purpose of being another term for vagina.

 

"Fuck" originally was the vulgar term for sexual intercourse; but, now it has branched out: fuckhead fuckwit, fuck off, fuck you, etc.

 

Does "fuckwit" have anything to do with, well, fucking? No.

 

Just as the use of the word "cunt" in the tweet about Quevenzhane Wallis had nothing to do with her or any other female's anatomy. 

 

Period. Which is another word with multiple uses and meanings.

 

Now, we can argue back and forth all day about whether it was right or wrong to make such a joke from behind the banner of satire. Of course no one with any lick of humanity or sense would ever make such a joke to a child's face; but, is it somehow any, er, better because it was done through/by a website known for it's line-crossing satire?

 

It depends. In all honesty, if my daughter had been the target of said tweet, it would have irritated the hell out of me, for two reasons: 1) People naturally don't like having their kids called cunts; and 2) Because I'd have to no doubt spend a couple of hours talking to said child about things like humor, satire, context, etc.; and I'd wanna make sure the kid knew that sometimes, words are just words and that they can only hurt you if you let them...

 

Then I'd be off to drink in a dimly lit garage until it was time to collect my Father Of The Year award.

 

Again, I wish The Onion had held it's ground and not apologized. Anyone who took the time to take a breath could see there was no hate speech involved. But, we get so fucking emotional about "the children", don't we? Everyone goes all Sammy Davis Jr., talking about how the children are the future , they're so precious, etc., etc.-- and for those people who like kids, I guess they are. But, if it's all about protecting the kiddies, why are so many pushed into the entertainment industry, which has a track record of spitting out more victims than victors?

 

I'm not saying young Quevenzhane Wallis "deserved" to be called such a thing; not at all. But, with all the kid actors strewn by the side of the road, let's hope this little blip of a non-incident is the worst thing she has to face between now and the first financial impropriety lawsuit she files after turning 18...

 

Chris Checkman

blueshotel@yahoo.com

@BluesHotel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Badfinger, Not More Guns...

I'd intended this shitty little piece to begin with a picture of one of my favorite bands, Badfinger. I followed the directions for uploading said picture; and got repeatedly assfucked and rebuffed well over a dozen times before I did what I always do.

You know, give up and settle for something way more shitty.

Wow, it seems as though the internet and real life are finally beginning to look a lot alike.

I'm not digging it.

So this piece goes out, to you, sans a photo illustration that should've been no problem, but which has become the thing upon which I'll obsess all night, and for the next few days.

Fuck.

Sorry to sound like your Grandpa; but I fucking hate all this new shit, and all the ever-changing parameters in dealing with it all. I just wanted to load a simple fucking picture; and, instead, i got 25 minutes of banging my head against yet another wall.

Fuck you Dad for not pulling out, you asshole.

Anyway...

Music is my thing. I want to write about music. That, for better or worse, has been my whole life; and I'd like to get back to it, if you don't mind.

It is a place where I can get lost, and forget about the horrors visited upon me by my many and various bad choices; and if that strikes you as denial, well, you're not wrong.

But, every passing day, it is getting harder to get back there....

I fucking hate politics. I used to love it all; but, now, eh-eh. Fuck it. I just want to get back to writing about music.

But, I cannot.

Tonight, I had a whole music thing lined up for this here blog. Ohhhh, it was gonna be great if you happen to be an ephemera geek like myself. I'd finally gotten my head away from the whole gun thing for a bit, and was about to spew 5,000 words for what was sure to be a very select audience of no more than a dozen or so when....

Like an idiot, I flipped past the news.

There, on camera (from a TMZ camera guy), was a shooting, on tape, from outside a club in Hollywood late Saturday night.

As clear as Meredith Hunter pulling his gun at Altamont came this footage of a guy whipping out a handgun during a (seemingly) drunken fight between some women. He seemed to aim both nowhere and everywhere at once, squeezed off a few rounds and, BOOM!, some 19 year old kid was dead.

For a bunch of nothing bullshit chest puffing.

Same old, same old. Again.

And again.

A few stupid cunts get into an attention-seeking fight at a nightclub, and an innocent bystander gets to die for it. Oh, if anyone is focusing on the use of the word "cunts", understand that gender, in this instance, is irrelevant, okay?! To me, if you get into a fight at a nightclub, you're a cunt. A sad, idiotic, dumbfuck CUNT.

Just so we're clear here.

For the most part, the footage looked like most 'reality' shows: A bunch of idiots dressed like spangly morons outside a club no one with a brain would ever dare come near. Some shrewy chicks get into a skirmish over God knows what; and then we see our hero, pulling his gun, as all hell breaks loose.

And one kid dies.

At this point, it NO LONGER MATTERS whether these guns are/were owned legally or otherwise! This idiot outside the Hollywood nightclub last night fucking killed an innocent bystander! WITH A GUN!

At what point can you blind and braying Second Amendment apologist screech hounds finally admit that far too many innocent people have been laid to needless waste while the NRA and the rest oif your precious and well-monied gun lobby just keeps buying off all the politicians it needs in order to keep the cash tills turning and the money flowing into their coffers?

A 19 year old kid went out Saturday night to club it up. Some drunk chicks slugged it out. Then some idiot whipped out a gun-- apparently, because he saw himself as some sort of badass hero; fired off into the crowd (trying, I'm guessing, to impress someone), and a young man died.

For nothing. Fucking nothing.

Again.

Seeking a night on the town, instead, this kid gets a box and six feet of dirt for his troubles.

All for guns. Was his life worth it? Were the lives of the Sandy Hook victims worth it?

At what point do we evolve, see our ever-changing society for what it is, and take the steps necessary steps to change alongside it?

The Second Amendment stopped being relevant a long fucking time ago; yet, innocent people still suffer the ultimate consequence because the U.S. doesn't have enough of a spine or a decent set of stones to stand up to the big bucks gun lobby and tell them their services are no longer required.

We are gutless chumps.

So, let the innocent keep dying. Let the gun shows continue attracting ignorant dumbfucks who want to perpetuate a so-called culture that should have died out long ago. Who fucking cares if innocent people keep dying in the name of this "right" gripped tightly by backwards morons and those happy to keep printing money regardless of the unending carnage?

Fuck. I'm a music writer...

Chris Checkman

Liberals: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Let's begin here with a confession: I've only voted ONCE since 1988.

Okay, vent your spleens in any way you choose. You are right; but, only to a certain point, as I have had my reasons.

Get your venom out; but, after that, take a breath. Then, read on...

Going back to grade school (yes, elementary school, believe it or not) I was a pushy little political kid. In 5th grade, I used some of my small allowance money to buy a P.O.W. bracelet that bore the name of one Captain Darryl F. Pyle; and I wore it until I saw him come back, alive, on a newscast way back then.

My older cousin, Shelly, kind of got me into it; but, so did my Mom. Mom was a Kennedy volunteer for JFK back in '60; and was also a supporter of RFK in '68-- even though Dad was a Nixon guy.

Perhaps my embryonic political view was shaped, at least in part, by the fact that my Dad used to regularly beat the shit out of me-- and so I hated him. Seeing as Mom only slapped me on occasion, I kinda tended to cotton to her way of thinking.

By 1972, Dad was out of the picture; and I, as a pushy and precocious 10 year old had branched out. Not only was I wearing my P.O.W. bracelet rather proudly on my right wrist; I was also trying to get teachers and school office personnel to sign McGovern petitions my cousin had given me, without much success...

I watched with great interest the Watergate proceedings; and was most pleased when, on August 9, 1974, Richard Nixon resigned his presidency on the 5th anniversary of the Manson killings, as my family was on vacation in San Diego.

The short Gerald Ford era carried almost no weight; though it was during that time that I immersed myself even further into studying and reading about politics and the history of the American political system. Like an acne-riddled sponge, I could not soak up enough of it; and when Jimmy Carter won the Presidential election in November, 1976, I was way more elated than any 14 year old should have been.

I was THRILLED; and could not wait until '80, when I thought I'd be among those who would vote him into a second term in office.

In November of 1979, the Iran hostage crisis came. The Carter Presidency had already taken a number of hits; but this was the biggest one. When the failed attempt to rescue the hostages happened in Spring, 1980, it dealt a final death blow to Jimmy Carter's shot at a second term.

I voted for my first time, knowing full well JC was fucked. Ronald Reagan swept in on a tide of resurgent conservatism.

And, it was there, at that point in time, when the term "liberal" became a dirty word-- tainted and caked with politically motivated shit.

Thirty two years on, it has not recovered.

In 1984, I dutifully voted for the Mondale/Ferraro ticket, knowing full well they could not win. I say I knew they wouldn't win; but, it was a blow to my psyche to see them get routed as badly as they did.

At 22, I'd become disillusioned by it all. What was the point? How could "we" liberals ever hope to compete against God, flags, balloon releases, and all the other trappings the conservatives had turned into a perfectly orchestrated, Broadway-styled show designed to illustrate how awful and fuzzy-headed America's liberals were for, well, America?

By 1988, I was re-energized, and trying to be psyched for Michael Dukakis. He's from Massachussetts, I told myself; so maybe he's got a bit of Kennedy spirit in him. So, I bought in, wholeheartedly.

I went to the rallies. I ranted on about him on my radio shows. I tried to be as into it as I could; but, something troubled me, and I couldn't quite identify it.

He seemed too buttoned up; too clipped in his ability to stem his emotions. I kept waiting for his watershed firebrand moment: That instance in time where a candidate goes from merely being a careerist politician, to where they step across that personal line and say "fuck you" to the political angle, and just go for it as a human being-- without care or concern for their future career in politics.

Not only did Dukakis NOT do that, he rode in a tank. He also asked CNN's Bernard Shaw how he (Shaw) might react if his wife were raped and murdered.

Uh oh.

Beyond that, he committed the biggest crime the 26 year old me in 1988 could have envisioned:

He avoided, stridently, any alignment with the word "liberal".

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

When push came to shove; Michael Dukakis shoved all his grassroots supporters aside, as a way of not sullying himself, career-wise, with the word the Reagan movement had made so syphilitic:

Liberal.

I voted for Dukakis in November of 1988; only because of the time I'd put in.

I did not vote again until GW/Kerry of 2004. Kerry was a similar letdown; and the only reason i voted was because my girlfriend pushed me into it.

Yes, i'm a fucking idiot. All it got me was jury duty.

So, if you've actually read this, I assume you wanna rake me on not voting for most of the past 24 years. I guess that's your right; but, before you pass judgement, let me state my case here:

From the heavily influenced 10 year old who first came to sorta know politics in 1972, I have come a long way. My views, or ways of expressing them, may not be yours; but that doesn't invalidate my experience.

Further, I know there a great many out there who feel, rather stridently, that an uncast vote is somehow a wasted vote.

I disagree; loudly.

When my girlfriend (Alex) pushed into voting for Kerry in '04, I literally did so just so I wouldn't have to hear a long bullshit talk about what a fuck I was/am for not voting. It didn't matter that Kerry was a stick figure caricature of a democrat trying to bend over backward to try and satisfy the center and the right by oozing toward a "moderate" pose-- all the while hop-steppin' away from anything that might tie him to the word "liberal"...

As I stood in the voting booth at the old age home just outside Culver City, Calif., that day, I fucking hated myself.

To me, GW Bush was easily the worst President of my lifetime; and, if any number of political experts are to be believed, he is possibly the worst President this country has ever seen.

And, having said that, it sickened me to cast my vote for Kerry on that day; as I was not voting for someone I believed in-- I was casting my vote against someone.

The barely discernible lesser of two evils.

And this is what it all boils down to for me: Where are MY candidates? Why has the word "liberal" become such a demonized thing in the modern political climate? Why, and how, have religion, guns, and tax cures for the wealthy become so much more important than taking care of our weakest, protecting our most vulnerable, and ensuring that the middle class does not die off like the dinosaurs the Bible thumpers seem to believe never existed?

WHEN DID "LIBERAL" BECOME AS BAD A WORD AS GONORRHEA?!

Will there ever be a candidate in our lifetimes, who has the courage to call him/herself a "liberal", and use rational and cogent thought to beat back the fear-mongering that has tainted theterm for the past three plus decades?!

Must all our potential future leaders bow to the Bible, to the gun lobby, to the rich who seek to continue their hold on the puppet string that need not exist if just one voice in the wilderness will come screaming into the light, announcing a new level playing field on a brand new day?!

"Liberal" was never a bad word until the Reagan era. "Liberal" does not mean everyone is smoking weed and letting shit slide by while listening to folk music! Liberal means having an open mind; about both sides of an argument. Liberal is NOT just David Crosby singing about sharing berries with hitchhiking hippie chicks; it's about not arriving at narrow-minded conclusions based upon fairy stories, our even now-outmoded ways of settling a new land some 236 years ago.

So, America; will there ever be liberals in our service again? Will there ever be one who breaks through the stigma who just doesn't give a fuck about career aspects, and instead seeks to lead through his or her conscience?

Will we ever see such a stateman again; or are we doomed to the Bible/gun/money-worshipping robot paradigm that seems to have turned our alleged two party system into nothing more than two arms of the same monster?

Find us a voice who speaks to the rest of us; and I'll vote and campaign the shit out of it for them until the day I die.

Jury duty would be a joy...

Chris Checkman

Fuck You, America!

Dear America,
Fuck you! Fucking fuck you!

I love the land mass, and it's place on the map. I love, for the most part, the weather.

The people? Ehh, give or take.

Beyond that stuff, I am, for the most part, glad to have been born here.

But, having said that...

You, America, can go fuck yourself until you're red/white/blue in the face, as I am nearing the point where I am done with you.

Why?

Your priorities are totally fucked up. You cannot feed/clothe/medically look after your most vulnerable; but, somehow, those rich shits who live on the hill seem to be in line for perpetual protection.

STARVE THE POOR, BUT FEED THE RICH might as well be pressed onto our coins, as it seems to be the new American Way.

And now we have, yet again, another mass shooting.

This is where I would normally launch into an all-out assault (minus those legally protected gun rights so vital to 1775 only those powered and monied idiots still cling to) on the facts, horror and overall tragedy that befell us all in Newtown, Ct. this week...

But, why? And to what effect?

NO ONE'S FUCKING LISTENING!

Who fucking cares anymore on these shores if some gun-toting imbecile expresses his Constitutionally protected right to wail away on a school full of kids just learning to use their ABC's; because, that 2nd Amendment is there in case the government goes all crazy on us and tries to kill us in our own homes, right?

So, if a few (dozen) kids and teachers get mowed down by some fuckwit who stole Mom's legally owned assault rifle, and just happened to go all 2nd Amendment on her by shooting her in the face with it; before blowing the heads off toddlers and their teachers-- well, that's the price of freedom, ain't it?!

At what point does this all reach some sort of critical mass? At what point do we elevate from stupid penny-ante bloggers like me screaming into a vacuumed void and evolve into a bloc of people who have just fucking had it with living in a society that is both technologically advanced, yet somehow still governed by a most ruinous medieval mindset that is pushed along by the gun lobby and it's seemingly bottomless pockets?!

Can any of you gun fucks say Europe isn't onto something far more fitting for our modern world? Sure, them holding onto their foreskins is totally weird and icky; but, they've nailed the bigger issue here, so the foreskins ain't so bad in the long term.

But still, you, America; you just won't back down, will you? I understand that it's all part of the stance; the pose-- but, at what point does the clinging to the outmoded ways stall us all from moving forward? At what point do 'our' powers that be begin to recognize that the Earth, and those who populate it, are evolving well beyond our Stone Age contempt toward change?

For all his gun-totin' machismo in the movies, John Wayne died of a pedestrian case of stomach cancer. This week, 20 children and 6 teachers died from the real gunfire John Wayne NEVER faced in his movies.

Yet, he's on stamps for his portrayal of bravery-- if you consider ducking dummy bullets between lunches in air conditioned trailers to be "bravery".

Me? I consider the acts of those teachers who tried to shield their kids from REAL gunfire to be the real definitions of bravery.

America, you've let us all down today.

Chris Checkman

The Second Amendment Saves Us All Again. Except For Those Who Died...

This week, Inglewood, California and Brookfield, Wisconsin were lucky enough to receive a pat on the head from the Constitution of the United States Of America. This kind of acknowledgement is a high honor, indeed; and all it cost the people of these communities was the lives of some of their families, friends and neighbors.

High praise, and well earned!

In Inglewood, a psycho neighbor living in the back house decided to cover himself in bullet-resistant armor, set his house on fire, and then go and shoot up the family that lived in the front house. A father (who threw his body over his children to shield them from those bullets we all love, because they're a guaranteed part of the Constitution!) died, as did his 4 year old son.

His wife and two other children were severely injured, but are expected to survive.

Apparently, the Constitution provides for such protection against the children from the front house playing in the backyard.

Well done, Constitution!

Then today, in Wisconsin, another patriot defies a restraining order from his ex-wife, goes to the day spa where she works, and shoots three women dead, injuring several others.

Sadly, in both cases, these two true Americans who are upholding true American ideals, shot themselves before the NRA could give them the parades and lapel pins they so richly deserved...

Guess we can blame the hippie fag Jew-run media once again, right?

Children playing. Women at a spa going to work. People going to school. Folks at a movie theater. Etc., etc....

These are the enemies the outdated 2nd Amendment to the Constitution is protecting us against?!

By now, is there any real point in holding out hope that real thought and reason may ride into the picture at this 11th hour and somehow prevail over old ways of thinking? Right now, I am sad to sad that I think not. I mean, who gives a shit if children, students at school, people at work, or those shopping at a mall have to live under the ever-increasing shadow of possibly getting shot by some psycho fuckhead armed, not only with a gun; but a hallowed government document that gives him the "right" to possess such a weapon, provided he/she can pass a few simple background checks and tests?

And, hey, if you just happen to be at the restaurant, theater, mall, or even in your own home when he goes off-- well, that's just the price of being an American you should be happy to pay!

Because we're too stupid and cowed by the big money gun lobbies. Beyond that, our so-called leaders on the Left are too fucking concerned with tapdancing their way through the political process, so as not to alienate ANY potential voter; so they're not GONNA SAY SHIT that might in any way piss off the gun lobby, which will piss off certain portions of the hayseed/redneck/dumbshit voters they need to court in order to quell any talk of liberalism...

And, for this trade off, people get to keep dying! They get to die in parks, at gas stations, on jogging trails and even (conveniently) in their own homes. All because we've become too fucking cowed by the big bucks gun lobby, and the presumptive notion that to speak against guns makes us somehow un-American-- and our American God and his American Son, Jesus, will shit his vengance in all our faces should we dare to evolve so much as to even entertain a discussion that maybe, just maybe, all the shooting deaths in our country might in some small way be connected to...

Guns.

Mike Love: You Rat Bastard...

When I heard, earlier this week, that Mike Love had effectively "fired" Brian Wilson, Al Jardine and David Marks from the 50th Anniversary Beach Boys, and their tour, I tried to keep an open mind.

Maybe, thought I, the three in question were trying to reshape the band as a grindcore group, intent on some sort of bloodcircus/gore show that might alienate at least some of their core audeince.

I'm told this is not the case.

Maybe, thought I, about a thousand other scenarios that might make at least a little sense of this metaphoric machine gun in a geek's nightmare of a record store tragedy.

Believe me, people, I have run every realistic, and unrealistic, scenario I could possibly envision.

Trust me when I say that NONE of those test situations made ANY sense.

At fucking all.

(Yes, my use of all caps in certain moments is entirely-- ENTIRELY-- with merit. This is that kind of time...)

It should be noted that I think Mike Love one of the greatest voices in the history of music. I say this without a bit of qualification. To call his voice, and the words he wrote for the Beach Boys, merely "iconic" is to do Mr. Love a grave disservice.

Dismiss the contributions of Mr. Love to the Beach Boys in particular, and music in general if you must; but, do so at your own peril.

You will be wrong.

The Beach Boys would not have been what we know them to be without the voice, savvy and some key words from Mike Love. His contributions to not only the Beach Boys, but music in general, should be held well aloft-- and viewed as nothing less than monumental and legendary, as they are nothing less than that.

And possibly more.

However, in his firing of Brian Wilson, Al Jardine and David Marks (the American Pete Best...), Mike Love fucking well overstepped the bounds of everything that makes music sacred to us fucktards who have given our lives over to the sounds we first heard off Mom and Dad's vinyl way the hell back when....

Yes, it is understood that Mike Love somehow owns the Beach Boys' name/branding/etc.-- and that's all fine and well. Those of us long time fans GET IT that he's still (rightfully) pissed that Murry Wilson (father of Brian; and Carl and Dennis-- both of whom died way too young) sold their Sea Of Tunes catalogue to Irving/Almo Music in 1969 for the paltry sum of $700,000.

We get it, Mike Love! You were ripped off by Brian/Carl/Dennis' dad (your uncle)! We get what it is like to carry a grudge, and all that!

You got something of the short stick, Mike; and we've always known how much you've hated the idea that Brian was lauded as the damaged genius, while you were always deemed the commercial prick mercenary.

Guess what, Mike? Same thing has been said of Paul McCartney, in the shadow of John Lennon. While, again, not denying your contributions to the Beach Boys, Mike; Paul McCartney pretty much played every instrument he could lay his hands on, wrote/co-wrote a good half of the greatest back catalogue music will ever see, and...

He's never been nearly the vindictive cunt you're being right now!

While Paul McCartney will never be able to get out from under the hagiographic portrayal of John Lennon as some sort of guitar-wielding Christ figure; he's cool with it. Why?

Because he knows who he is, where he was, and what he did. He was there, and lets the records speak for themselves.

On the other hand, Mike, you've seemed to let your rage go slowly bitter and curdle up good over the last 45 or so years. No one has ever doubted your vocal prowess on the early hits; or the crucial passes on "Good Vibrations"-- but this was never enough for you, was it?

As Brian's mind and body went all fat and well to shit during the crucial "Pet Sounds"/"Smile" era, you seemed to focus only on your star in what you saw as it's descending period. Right?

From every tome us Beach boys fans have read, there have always been a number of us who have long tried to rally in your favor. We've tried to, somehow, put ourselves in your shoes/sandals in seeing what it must be like to have tangible talent in the studio rated against intangibles when it comes to seeing a fragile, fat man-- made seemingly of spun sugar, somehow lionized as that thing you could never be.

A genius.

And now, in the twilight of your careers/lives, somehow the Beach Boys get back together. Yes, Carl and Dennis are sorely missed; but, still, it's Brian, Mike, Al, Bruce Johnston and David Marks-- which, in it's own way makes the world seem right, if only for a moment.

So, why blow it up, Mike? Why play the "I own the name!" card when the fans are finally getting a real good look at the genius they've only heard through their headphones these past several decades?

Why kill the last chance any of us remaining true believers have to experience the sound and feeling that's been inside us since our earliest memories? Just what the fuck satisfaction do you get from that, Mike Love? What purpose is served, other than your insufferable ego, your sense of spite, and the dictator-like boner you get from burning down our memories?

Fuck you Mike Love. I know this was your big middle finger to Brian; but, in reality, you flipped us all off, all in the name of your pompous and petty arrogance.

Just goes to show that 45 years of Transcendental Meditation cannot erase a lifetime of being an insufferable narcissistic asshole...

chris checkman

The Zebras Matter

Did you see that? DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?!

Tonight's Monday Night Football contest between the Green Bay Packers and the Seattle Seahawks came down to one last play: A Hail Mary from about the Green Bay 27 yard line. With little time on the clock, Seattle's quarterback, Russell Wilson (a surefire star, as long as his coaches don't change him, at all...) dropped back, then stepped back even further. Although I had the Packers in my season-long pool, I found myself shouting at the television words along the line of  "no! Just throw it, you stupid cunt!".

So, Russell Wilson threw it. A floating, arcing spiral, it eventually found it's way to a clusterfuck of defensive and offensive players in the end zone.

All converged on the precious ball, for even at this very early point in the respective campaigns, the fortunes of an entire season rode upon the outcome of this one, sigular, play.

Green Bay defensive back M.B. Jennings leapt over the pile, grabbing the ball with two hands and pulled it to his chest, as Seattle receiver Golden Tate wrapped one arm precariously around the ball-- after having obviously pushed a Green Bay defender out of the way, in what anyone with eyes would've said was an offensive pass interference penalty.

One official ran in, signalling an interception for Green Bay; just as another ran in, giving a very unconvincing signal for a Seattle touchdown.

Cue the chaos.

Monday Night Football annoucers Mike Tirico and Jon Gruden took a look at the replay, went berserk, and just lit up the replacement officials that have been administrating the games since the beginning of preseason, owing to a league dispute over finances/other contract terms with the real referees.

Anyone with eyes could plainly see that the Packers got royally fucked on the Hail Mary call; but, because, by rule, who actually possessed the ball was not a reviewable call, the Seahawks wound up getting the win.

The Seattle Seahawks are going to be a fun, gritty team to watch in the next couple years. Even later this year, this mix of players (featuring the QB, Wilson) is going to coalesce and become an ever-increasing force in the league.

BUT, LIKE THIS?!!!

Say it ain't so, Roger!

One of my favorite sports reporters is Dan LeBatard of the Miami Herald. For the past year, he (and his father, Gonzalo) has also hosted an ESPN2 show called "Dan LeBatard Is Highly Questionable"-- a show some internet people seem to hate with an almost unreasonable amount of vitriol.

Personally, while I do not always agree with LeBatard, I like the show; as it is a mix of serious sports discussion, without taking ANY of it too seriously.

Anyway...

Last week, LeBatard said something that really took me by surprise, pissed me off to no end. In a discussion about the "real" refs who are holding out for a better deal, LeBatard kinda casually dismissed them as guys who "work 20 days a year", yet want increased salary/benefits.

(I'm paraphrasing, here)

I see the basic idea of the "20 days a year" argument; I do.

However, moreso than baseball or basketball, an NFL ref is someone who is not only a steward of the rules; but also an administrator whose application of said rules and regulations can also help safeguard players against possible catastrophic injuries...

Same, as I see it, as an NHL ref.

In baseball, balls and strikes are balls and strikes. In basketball, double dribbling or traveling are fairly self evident. This is not to minimize baseball umpires or basketball referees: I say this merely to point out that those sports depend on their on-field/on court administrators to look for rulebook violations and enforce the basic rules of the game.

In football, if the referees cannot control the game, shit can get out of hand to the point where the safety and well being of the participants can fall under great risk.

In these first 3 weeks of the NFL season (and the preseason before), we have seen a great pile of evidence that suggests that these replacement officials are, at best, greatly overwhelmed by the task they've been given.

At worst, it appears, more and more each week, that they are easily cowed and intimidated by the bright lights under which they're asked to perform-- and coaches and players are taking full advantage of the substitute teachers who are now all but hiding under their desks!

The result has been a through-the-looking-glass freakshow at the beginning of the 2012 NFL season-- and the litany of bizarre calls/non-calls/bad spots/inept interpretation of rules/etc/etc is so long and fucked up and weird that I believe this season should have some sort of small asterisk affixed to it so something like this can never happen again.

So, as much as I normally agree with LeBatard (which is about 75% of the time), I COMPLETELY disgree with him on this issue!

The ineptitude of the replacement refs would be one thing, in terms of the administration of what some might see as petty rules and whatnot-- and EVEN THAT FUCKING SUCKS BALLS!

But, given the increasing amount of concussions meted out during games that are now played by ever faster, stronger and heavier guys willing to go lights out on anyone they perceive standing between them and a sweet paycheck; LeBatard's dismissal of the officials as guys who "work 20 days a year" but want full time money/benefits is losing ground by the second.

Sure, tonight Green Bay was fucking jobbed by refs who were overwhelmed by the stage and bright lights. Yeah, it's mathematically possible Ed Hochuli and his guys might've missed the Hail Mary call tonight in Seattle; but, I doubt it...

chris checkman

More Acceptable Losses?

If the Batman massacre in Aurora, Colorado two weeks ago wasn't enough to convince me; then the carnage today at the Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin finally did the trick.

With seven dead, including that great partriot of a shooter who was only exercising his God-given 2nd Amendment right to carry lethal weapons and use them at his discretion, I am finally convinced that guns are NOT the problem here in the United States!

Yes, folks, you heard me right!

This heroic patriot of a shooter exercised his born to the manor right to just walk into a place of worship, where he proceeded to blow 6 people off to their eternal reward, before he himself was gloriously taken out by yet another gun; and we should all stop our hand-wringing and just know that it's okay.

IT'S OKAY! LET'S FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS EXPRESSION OF OUR 2ND AMENDMENT RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS AND PROTECT OURSELVES AGAINST ANY AND ALL INVADERS!

The NRA and other like-minded folks are way smarter than we are; and they know what's best for us! We should be grateful that they continue to patiently take time out of their busy days to kneel down to where we can better see them, speak slowly (with small words, so we can better understand their more highly-evolved brilliance) to us, pat us on the heads, and reassuringly tell us that this is what God wants.

It is His will!

I used to be somewhat cynical and skeptical about this; but, the rising body count between Aurora and Oak Creek are fast accumulating numbers even a previously Godless heathen like I can no longer ignore!

IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE!

God, who it is clear totally really exists, has chosen America as his country; and, with his son, Jesus, beside him, it is OUR God who is gonna show us the way to the big lifeguard high chair at the top of the world!

Oh, PRAISE HIM! PRAISE HIM!!

God wants us to have guns! He does! God believes that there might come a time when the government decides to just invade each and every city and town in which we live, and try and take away our guns-- so we have to stock up on food and water (God suggests beanie weenies and Dasani, as he has a deal in place...), and GUNS, 'cause we love 'em!

Then, GOD wants us to just wait for the invasion. But, while we're waiting, GOD wants us to go and mete out justice in a way we think he might. You know, sort of like a hillbilly action film.....

Just go and find people living their lives, and bukkake a bit of precious 2nd Amendment hot lead all over their faces; just to show we mean business.

So fucking what if innocents were killed watching a movie or at their house of worship? It's all about the 2nd Amendment, right?

I admit that I stopped participating in the political process a long time ago. My girlfriend forced me into voting in 2004; but, before then, I'd last voted in 1988.

And I've not voted since.

The easy joke answer to the question "why?" has always been "jury duty". Cue the bad slide whistle or detuned bass drum 'boing' effect, right?

The real truth is this: I was really heavily politically minded as far back as grade school. In 5th grade, I not only wore a POW/MIA wrist band (Capt. Darryl F. Pyle, if you were wondering), I also was so obnoxious as to wear a button endorsing George McGovern for President that year. I did NOT understand everything I was hearing from the political news I craved so oddly for a 10 year old; but, the things I did understand I grabbed onto with a fierce grip, in that way that kids do with certain things.

Through high school and college, I was politically oriented to a point well beyond what reasonable folks might consider obnoxiousness-- and my brother was even more pushy and annoying about it.

And, it ended, very suddenly, in 1988. Michael Dukakis posed in a tank; tapdanced around the word "liberal" like it was some sort of disease, and I just fucking checked out....

I admit I am lazy; and, in the years since, I've wondered what those with a less blackened/less cynical heart might've done in my shoes. Ideally, I imagine they would've been less a fatalist quiiter than me, and would've made a decision to not quit while making an even greater ruckus calling attention to our cause.

Me? I simply gave up. Not saying it was cool; it's just what was.

But, I've always known that if anyone would ever come up through the ranks who wasn't ashamed to be a liberal; whose views balanced utopian vision with responsibility to constituents that I could get behind, I'd fucking be there.

Obama kinda tries; but, the whole centrist/being everything to everyone vibe just leaves me limp. If they only wanna be politicians, and not statesmen; why the fuck should I care?

I'm not saying it's the most sensible or forward-thinking stance; I'm just saying that the would-be leaders I've waiting on have never arrived, and I just finally got sick of waiting and checked out.

Yeah, it's kind of a chickenshit, lazy-assed move; but, you get your heart broken enough, you begin to retreat. It fucking sucks sometimes to see certain things, even small ones, in the political news, and just have that feeling like you chest is being caved in knowing that the kind of people this country needs are not likely to enter the political arena.

It fucking hurts. Bad.

If there were candidates that were balls-out proud of who they were, and weren't just gonna trawl for votes by pretending to be some biblically-endorsed charlatans, I'd get my ass out there tomorrow-- back in the game.

Instead, we are given lame choices on both sides, every fucking time: Candidates on the local, state and national levels who are watered down by allegiances to the monied lobbies they need to please by tapdancing through any number of loaded financial minefields. While these clowns are trying to line their pockets by making careers out of talking from both sides of their mouths, regular people are going without basic medical care, food, and shelter (to say nothing of a shit job market); and, oh yeah, getting murdered at the movies or their houses of worship.

For the 2nd Amendment. That holy-assed Amendment; which only benefits the powerful gun lobby and the billions of dollars it's participants hope to make.

It's funny how the anti-drug Republicans/Christian right wingers will tell you that every bag of grass leaves theoretical bloodstains on someone's hands; but, none of them ever acknowledges the actual bloodstains left in our schools, temples, theaters, workplaces and homes by the precious guns they'd fight to the death to protect.

I'm fairly certain I'm not nearly the only one who lost the fire and got beaten down and just gave up on the liberal cause. I'm guessing there's a bigassed number of us out here, lying dormant, waiting to get back in to it.

Give us statesmen instead of politicians; give us a stance instead of posturing; give us conviction instead of commerce....

If you're really liberal, don't just say it-- fucking scream it! Make us believe and we'll come off the bench.

We can't bring back the people in Aurora and Oak Creek; but, maybe down the line we can honor them by making sure the psycho money-grubbing gun lobby knows our future representatives and leaders cannot be bought.

And fuck you if you disagree.

chris checkman

Baby, You're A Bitch, Man

I may or may not have gotten a Facebook page recently. If I did, it would definitely not be under my actual name; nor would any of my friends know about it.

Though it would confirm everything I've ever suspected or felt about the entire culture of Facebook.

A long time ago, in December of 2004, I decided it might be okay to jump on a trend. That kind of shit is rare for me. Not because I am such an iconoclast; but really more because I hate new shit. So, back then, I signed up for Myspace.

It was okay, for awhile, though I clearly was too old/set in my ways to see the point of it. My fascination soon cooled to the level of "oh, right, I have a Myspace page!"-kind of mindset, which seemed to happen less and less as time went on.

I tried to embrace Myspace; but, even for someone as narcissistic as I, it just seemed a bit like jerking off in an intersection while wearing a pinwheel hat.

No one needs to see that.

In time, Myspace and I grew ever more estranged; and I think it was fine by both of us. We did not miss one another.

Then I found Twitter; and, to be honest, my reaction to it has been mixed. On one hand, I fucking love the immediate access to those who are just riffing their asses off. It can seem, at times, like one big room full of writers and comedians, each and all throwing out their best shit and seeing what sticks.

"Great!", thought I; but, the results have been lackluster to say the least. I'd like to say that it's because the world doesn't get me; but, even with the obvious clannish anti-outsider nature Twit comics exhibit, maybe my idea of what is funny just does nothing for those on the rungs above me.

Which brings us back to Facebook.

Though I really enjoyed "The Social Network", I have pretty much hated Facebook from the very first time friends told me about it. I dunno, maybe I am too old and stodgy a crank to get it; but, from the get go, everything I ever heard or saw about Facebook hit me like a cheese grater across the face:

Farmville. Pokes. Likes. Pictures of children doing lame staged bullshit things set up by their drunken, attention-seeking parents. Etc.

The "Wall".

Kill me...

Having had some time to formulate what some might misinterpret as an ill-informed opinion on Facebook, I think the things I hate most are the lame pictures of children doing "hip" things Mom and stepdad stage up; and the whole culture of the "like".

The first part of that is easy enough to explain from my end: Not everyone (insert Jerry Sandusky joke here) is in love with children, period. Count me firmly in that group. If I had had kids, I know I'd have been a good parent; and would've loved my kids to the point where they might not have run off to be underage prostitues, hopefully.

But, I didn't have kids for a VERY specific reason: Kids grow up to be...

Us!

And, since every other person on the planet saw fit to extend their sometimes dodgy bloodlines and bark 'em out as fast as the stitches would heal, why would I participate in such apocalyptic shenanigans, when pulling out only costs a couple of paper towels or a rewashing of a previously clean t-shirt?

Am I right, ladies?

Yet, Facebook is essentially a dumping ground for all manner of baby/kid bullshit from overproud parents who think they've done something fucking special by barking out a wall-eyed fuckhead whose major talent is falling asleep, on video, after sucking a dozen or so of mommy and daddy's spent wine corks.

Fascinating.

While there are, of course, obvious privacy/security breach issues anyone with a brain SHOULD have with Facebook; the main gripe I have is with the culture of the "like".

When someone posts on Facebook a picture of a potted plant, there is now an accepted form of currency they are hoping to receive in return for them favoring you with an image of their chrysanthemums or upside down hanging tomato patch they drunkenly purchased from TV one night at 4:30AM.

The "like".

They want you to like them. Fuck, they'd love you to like them! It pads their stats; which makes them the envy of their friends-- both real, and Facebook friends.

(If you haven't figured it out as yet, Facebook friends are NOT your real friends. Now go hang yourselves if this is in any way news to you...)


But, where the like thing gets me the most is the idea of how it has been used. Originally, the like was used to say more about the person whose image, post or whatever received the like. Now, it's gone all funhouse mirror, and the like is really all about the person who SENDS it to another Facebook user!

EXAMPLE: If you post a picture of your kid in a tiny Plasmatics shirt throwing up gang signs in front of your '74 Vega wagon, what are you asking of us?

You're asking for some sort of weird validation or approval-- ie: "Hey, jerkoff; way to assure your kid hates fags and reading as much as you do!"; but, since the "like" is more generic, you'll settle for the stats, of course...

Meanwhile, on the other side of the equation, there are some truly socially inept desperate idiots, just looking to suck up to anyone who might give them a bit of attention; so, they're naturally gonna "like" the pic of junior going all V13 or Crip in front of your shitmobile.

Which makes you both stupid fucking fucks.

The person seeking the like for stats purposes gets hooked up with a stalker; and the thanks that said stalker perceives only pushes him/her to further explore this realm. They "liked" you; and now they're a part of your life, no matter what the restraining order says.

It is a fucking sick and twisted system.

I may or may not be there; but, if I am, I'm gonna pull the rip cord soon.

Again, people, maybe I am too old to understand just how cool Facebook is. But, having read on it for years, and having observed it from afar during that time, it will take a massive argument to make me think anything other than this:

Facebook serves nothing, other than itself and it's own interests. If your experience has been different, great; you're easily smarter and less paranoid than me.

From what I've seen/read/experienced, Facebook is serving no one other than that little weasel shit guy in the hoodie....

Guns-- Only Relevant Or Necessary If You Are A Fucking Idiot...

Hello Folks,
I have not posted here much in the past year, as sometimes I tend to forget all the sites I am signed onto, so forgive what might seem like a newbie just busting in for the sake of mere flash. This is not the case.

I'm just really the shit worst at keeping records (taxes, pin numbers, passwords/screen names for various sites), which leads to-- from time to time-- me dropping out of sight on sites I really like; though, like now, I eventually always return...

Oh joy, right?

Anyway, I was about to drift off to sleep, as it is now 7am here in California, when I saw on the local dimwitted early morning coffee/headlines news program the grim report that yet another unfortunate freeway driver has died from this recent rash of freeway shootings we have had here in southern California. Everyone again, said all the allegedly right things: the field reporter, the authorities, the grieving family of this poor bastard whose head was blown off, etc., etc.-- but, nobody had the guts to say the ONE overriding truth:

We, as human beings, private citizens, etc. are not, as a species as yet emotionally equipped to own our own guns.

In other words, it is time the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution be forever struck down!

And, FUCK ALL YOU GUN NUT IDIOTS WHO DARE TO ARGUE IN THE FACE OF PURE REASON!

This needs to happen, and happen now! Anyone still holding on to the 2nd amendment is nothing more than a dimwitted idiot; as, said amendment was written over 200 years ago when "America" was an entirely different place-- and a place it has not been since then! Hey, Red-Staters, remember the America back then? It was a place 'we' had no right in stealing or co-opting, as it was already inhabited by those who had been here for over a thousand years, right!?

Right.

And, all 'we' did was rape and murder and pillage and plunder from these very people who considered this place to be their own-- literally, not just in essence, stealing their land and lives from them, due to 'our' arrogance, using 'our' guns....

Kinda funny, isn't it, how 'we' steal (through murder, rape, pillaging and other forms of destruction) a land from those who were here 1,000 years before 'us'-- yet, 'we' get all shaken and violent when 9/11 is foisted upon us, a mere 200 years after 'we' enacted our own 9/11 on the people who were here way before we were.

But, I can hear some of you already saying the following : "fuck 'em, they was Indians and Mexicans, blah blah blah!!!!", as though Indians and Mexicans are somehow beneath you hillbillies, or anyone, for that matter....

Fuck you Second Amendment types; fuck you racist Red State apologist 2nd Amendment assholes. It is YOUR shortsightedness that has led to the modern gun culture which now sees people on the freeway systems here in Southern California just deciding to whip out their guns, for no reason whatsoever, and blow some poor fuk into the Hereafter.

Just because. A guy driving to his Mom's house-- blown away! Another guy driving to work-- blown away! More people, of other persuasions, doing other innocent things-- just...blown...away....

By your precious guns-- the guns you assholes fight so bitterly to protect; while totally ignoring such REAL concerns like social security, prescription medicine, the homeless, etc.; because you are nothing more than idiots, who only care to protect your "God"-given alpha male "right" to swagger about with a sidearm on your hip, and enact justice as you see fit. But, in so doing, remember always, that anyone (even you) who is carrying a gun, is always prone to doing something horrific in the flash of a second.

And, as longas this is so, it is people like you, the NRA, and all other braindead gun nuts who must be beaten back, and relieved of their weapons via a quick and sweeping voiding of the Second Amendment-- for the good of all American society!

Period. There is no wiggle room here. Hey if you wanna own a rifle for purposes of hunting well, while I think it barbaric, fine; but, handguns carried on your person, in your car, etc......

Uh, no. If Sweden and England have taught us anything, beyond the fact that said countries knew their shit when incubating modern porn as we know it and the Beatles-- the greatest band there ever will be; well, they also knew/know their shit when it comes to figuring out that human beings with firearms will only kill other human beings. Do not give me this "guns don't kill; people kill" bullshit PR routine, as I will only laugh in your face-- even if such reaction causes you, as a rational gun owner, to rationally conclude that it is well within your "God"-given ("God"-- what the fuck does such an abstract concept have to do with anything?; especially when not nearly all of us are so fear-driven as to buy into such a superstition?!) to blow my head clean off, as I believe you are probably just stupid enough to try it...

Though an agnostic, I have nothing against anyone who believes whatever they will-- with one exception: If your God is the now almost officially-acception perversion proffered by the Red-Staters: A raging hate-mongering twisting of the Bible suited toward your own needs, then I ask that you, in my name, fuck your "God" in the ass with a burning flag, and then shove the barrel of your beloved Smith and Wesson down your useless throats, pull the trigger, and then see that there is, after death....

POOF! Nothing.

Any idiot that says "guns don't kill; people kill" has, pretty obviously, not driven the local freeways as of late. Since March 12, there have been a number of fatal and near fatal gun shootings here in Southern California; but, unless I've missed the reports, there has not been one report of someone fatally lobbing another person into another driver's car.

Get what I'm saying, Cletus?

A gun, lying on a counter, cannot kill; just as a person, lying on a bed, cannot kill. However, a person who has access to a gun, can kill. Which is where it needs to stop.

Here and now.

After all, I've never once heard of a drunken, pissed off gun picking up a person in the interest of going out and looking for trouble....

Have I?

No; and neither have you...