See You Next Tuesday, Rational Thought

 

So, another Academy Awards show has come and gone; and, as usual, everyone had something to gripe about. My main beef was with host Seth MacFarlane. Not because he went balls out for the jugular; but because his material was his typical weak-assed, smug faux-snark, intended to be "edgy"-- when in fact it's just forced "outrageousness" trying to pass as something with an actual purpose and point of view.

 

That's what offended me most.

 

Apparently, I am in the minority; for while I was repeatedly hissing "lame!" at the screen, a good deal of the rest of the Oscar-watching universe were slashing their wrists or setting themselves on fire in the streets over The Onion's now-infamous tweet regarding 9 year old actress, Quevenzhane Wallis.

 

In case you missed said tweet, here it is:

 

"Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quevenzhane Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?"

 

Now, of course, The Onion has long since issued the type of apology expected when a firestorm of misguided PC shit comes a-rainin' down on some poor fool's head-- and as much as I wish they hadn't bowed, they were trying to minimize the PR damage that can often come from masses of people who go batshit crazy in their haste to overreact in the STRONGEST AND MOST STRIDENT AND SERIOUS TERMS POSSIBLE...

 

While The Onion neither needs nor (I'm sure) wants defending from the likes of me, I'm gonna toss in my two cents anyway...

 

Why not?

 

I am a huge fan of Twitter, even as I admit there are a number of things about it that infuriate the hell out of me: The narcissism (which ALL Twitter people, myself included, perpetuate on a constant basis), the bad "joke forms" that fly around like mutating virii of idiocy, people taking endless pictures of themselves at the wheel of their '93 Geo Metros, etc., etc...

 

Don't get me started on Favstar. That one has a couple thousand words coming; just not today.

 

So, like a lot of people, I both dig and despise Twitter, in ever-fluctuating measures. It's rather infuriating...

 

And, so it was Sunday evening when it came to The Onion's tweet about Quevenzhane Wallis. When it hit, it was soon followed by a tidal wave of what can only be described as irrationally virulent and weepy sanctimony. Though the tweet was deleted fairly quickly, the damage was done and people were looking for blood. Well, they weren't looking for blood so much as they were looking to outdo one another by stating their objections in the most breathlessly purple shades possible.

 

And it was fairly nauseating.

 

Look, I'm not saying it was The Onion's best line ever, as it was not. But, unlike Seth MacFarlane (in my opinion), they get a pass; as even their second tier material is still better than anything that hack has done in his fratboy-pandering life...

 

To me that was the biggest objection: On it's own, at the time it was tweeted, it wasn't that strong a joke. Now, two days later, after all the hand-wringing and talking head pieces on all the news networks, that tweet has walked into comedy legend.

 

You heard me.

 

The more people tried to outdo each other in their strident opposition of The Onion, the funnier the tweet became, and it really began to take on a life of it's own through those who strode the streets of the internet, like a band of PC zombies, looking to beat anyone senseless with their florid condemnation of a silly little tweet that became stronger and stronger the more these weeping blowhards plugged in their lutes and played their howling madrigals.

 

For the record, the tweet did NOT contain any of what is now termed "hate speech": No racism, no homophobia, no jingoistic flag-waving nationalism, no knocks on various cultures, lifestyles, religions, etc., etc., etc...

 

And, no sexism.

 

I cannot even believe I had to write those words; but, then again, I couldn't believe it when I began reading Twitter folks excoriating The Onion for their 'virulent misogyny' in the hours after the tweet first came and went.

 

Charges of misogyny and sexism may not be as bad as being accused of pedophilia and the like; but they're pretty serious, and shouldn't be tossed around so lightly. While it is great that we live in a culture becoming ever more attuned to the various needs and sensitivities of all our citizens, there is an ever-increasing danger that pretty soon most everything is gonna be off limits-- and how much would (or should I say "will"?, because that's where we're headed...) that suck?

 

I believe the word we're looking for here is "context", people. "Context".

 

Instead of just seeing words, and firing up the righteous indignation app on the iPhone, how about attempting to justify the notion of evolution by taking those opposable thumbs off the touchscreen keyboard for a couple of moments, and instead using our reason to try and put things into (multiple choice):

A)A simple rhyme scheme

B)A makeshift grave under the porch

C)Your stepdad's skinny jeans

D)Context

 

Yes, I get that the use of the word "cunt" is a rather touchy and polarizing subject for a lot of people; and when used in a tweet about a 9 year old who just happens to be a girl, it can go downright inflammatory.

 

Again, context...

 

The word "cunt" could easily have been switched out for "asshole", "jerkoff" and any number of others; including, yes, "dick".

 

Suppose the child thespian in question had been a 9 year old boy, and the word "dick" was used instead. Still harsh, calling a child such a name, yes; but, any sexist, or even sexualized, overtones there? No.

 

And, while I was not present at the conception of the Wallis/"cunt" tweet, I'd bet my life that there was no sexist/sexualized intent on the part of the author(s), who've no doubt been hung out to dry since.

 

It's just a tripwire of a word, that's all! And it can make people, of both sexes, go nuts. But, like it's cousin, "fuck", "cunt" has evolved to mean more than it's original purpose of being another term for vagina.

 

"Fuck" originally was the vulgar term for sexual intercourse; but, now it has branched out: fuckhead fuckwit, fuck off, fuck you, etc.

 

Does "fuckwit" have anything to do with, well, fucking? No.

 

Just as the use of the word "cunt" in the tweet about Quevenzhane Wallis had nothing to do with her or any other female's anatomy. 

 

Period. Which is another word with multiple uses and meanings.

 

Now, we can argue back and forth all day about whether it was right or wrong to make such a joke from behind the banner of satire. Of course no one with any lick of humanity or sense would ever make such a joke to a child's face; but, is it somehow any, er, better because it was done through/by a website known for it's line-crossing satire?

 

It depends. In all honesty, if my daughter had been the target of said tweet, it would have irritated the hell out of me, for two reasons: 1) People naturally don't like having their kids called cunts; and 2) Because I'd have to no doubt spend a couple of hours talking to said child about things like humor, satire, context, etc.; and I'd wanna make sure the kid knew that sometimes, words are just words and that they can only hurt you if you let them...

 

Then I'd be off to drink in a dimly lit garage until it was time to collect my Father Of The Year award.

 

Again, I wish The Onion had held it's ground and not apologized. Anyone who took the time to take a breath could see there was no hate speech involved. But, we get so fucking emotional about "the children", don't we? Everyone goes all Sammy Davis Jr., talking about how the children are the future , they're so precious, etc., etc.-- and for those people who like kids, I guess they are. But, if it's all about protecting the kiddies, why are so many pushed into the entertainment industry, which has a track record of spitting out more victims than victors?

 

I'm not saying young Quevenzhane Wallis "deserved" to be called such a thing; not at all. But, with all the kid actors strewn by the side of the road, let's hope this little blip of a non-incident is the worst thing she has to face between now and the first financial impropriety lawsuit she files after turning 18...

 

Chris Checkman

blueshotel@yahoo.com

@BluesHotel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Badfinger, Not More Guns...

I'd intended this shitty little piece to begin with a picture of one of my favorite bands, Badfinger. I followed the directions for uploading said picture; and got repeatedly assfucked and rebuffed well over a dozen times before I did what I always do.

You know, give up and settle for something way more shitty.

Wow, it seems as though the internet and real life are finally beginning to look a lot alike.

I'm not digging it.

So this piece goes out, to you, sans a photo illustration that should've been no problem, but which has become the thing upon which I'll obsess all night, and for the next few days.

Fuck.

Sorry to sound like your Grandpa; but I fucking hate all this new shit, and all the ever-changing parameters in dealing with it all. I just wanted to load a simple fucking picture; and, instead, i got 25 minutes of banging my head against yet another wall.

Fuck you Dad for not pulling out, you asshole.

Anyway...

Music is my thing. I want to write about music. That, for better or worse, has been my whole life; and I'd like to get back to it, if you don't mind.

It is a place where I can get lost, and forget about the horrors visited upon me by my many and various bad choices; and if that strikes you as denial, well, you're not wrong.

But, every passing day, it is getting harder to get back there....

I fucking hate politics. I used to love it all; but, now, eh-eh. Fuck it. I just want to get back to writing about music.

But, I cannot.

Tonight, I had a whole music thing lined up for this here blog. Ohhhh, it was gonna be great if you happen to be an ephemera geek like myself. I'd finally gotten my head away from the whole gun thing for a bit, and was about to spew 5,000 words for what was sure to be a very select audience of no more than a dozen or so when....

Like an idiot, I flipped past the news.

There, on camera (from a TMZ camera guy), was a shooting, on tape, from outside a club in Hollywood late Saturday night.

As clear as Meredith Hunter pulling his gun at Altamont came this footage of a guy whipping out a handgun during a (seemingly) drunken fight between some women. He seemed to aim both nowhere and everywhere at once, squeezed off a few rounds and, BOOM!, some 19 year old kid was dead.

For a bunch of nothing bullshit chest puffing.

Same old, same old. Again.

And again.

A few stupid cunts get into an attention-seeking fight at a nightclub, and an innocent bystander gets to die for it. Oh, if anyone is focusing on the use of the word "cunts", understand that gender, in this instance, is irrelevant, okay?! To me, if you get into a fight at a nightclub, you're a cunt. A sad, idiotic, dumbfuck CUNT.

Just so we're clear here.

For the most part, the footage looked like most 'reality' shows: A bunch of idiots dressed like spangly morons outside a club no one with a brain would ever dare come near. Some shrewy chicks get into a skirmish over God knows what; and then we see our hero, pulling his gun, as all hell breaks loose.

And one kid dies.

At this point, it NO LONGER MATTERS whether these guns are/were owned legally or otherwise! This idiot outside the Hollywood nightclub last night fucking killed an innocent bystander! WITH A GUN!

At what point can you blind and braying Second Amendment apologist screech hounds finally admit that far too many innocent people have been laid to needless waste while the NRA and the rest oif your precious and well-monied gun lobby just keeps buying off all the politicians it needs in order to keep the cash tills turning and the money flowing into their coffers?

A 19 year old kid went out Saturday night to club it up. Some drunk chicks slugged it out. Then some idiot whipped out a gun-- apparently, because he saw himself as some sort of badass hero; fired off into the crowd (trying, I'm guessing, to impress someone), and a young man died.

For nothing. Fucking nothing.

Again.

Seeking a night on the town, instead, this kid gets a box and six feet of dirt for his troubles.

All for guns. Was his life worth it? Were the lives of the Sandy Hook victims worth it?

At what point do we evolve, see our ever-changing society for what it is, and take the steps necessary steps to change alongside it?

The Second Amendment stopped being relevant a long fucking time ago; yet, innocent people still suffer the ultimate consequence because the U.S. doesn't have enough of a spine or a decent set of stones to stand up to the big bucks gun lobby and tell them their services are no longer required.

We are gutless chumps.

So, let the innocent keep dying. Let the gun shows continue attracting ignorant dumbfucks who want to perpetuate a so-called culture that should have died out long ago. Who fucking cares if innocent people keep dying in the name of this "right" gripped tightly by backwards morons and those happy to keep printing money regardless of the unending carnage?

Fuck. I'm a music writer...

Chris Checkman

Liberals: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Let's begin here with a confession: I've only voted ONCE since 1988.

Okay, vent your spleens in any way you choose. You are right; but, only to a certain point, as I have had my reasons.

Get your venom out; but, after that, take a breath. Then, read on...

Going back to grade school (yes, elementary school, believe it or not) I was a pushy little political kid. In 5th grade, I used some of my small allowance money to buy a P.O.W. bracelet that bore the name of one Captain Darryl F. Pyle; and I wore it until I saw him come back, alive, on a newscast way back then.

My older cousin, Shelly, kind of got me into it; but, so did my Mom. Mom was a Kennedy volunteer for JFK back in '60; and was also a supporter of RFK in '68-- even though Dad was a Nixon guy.

Perhaps my embryonic political view was shaped, at least in part, by the fact that my Dad used to regularly beat the shit out of me-- and so I hated him. Seeing as Mom only slapped me on occasion, I kinda tended to cotton to her way of thinking.

By 1972, Dad was out of the picture; and I, as a pushy and precocious 10 year old had branched out. Not only was I wearing my P.O.W. bracelet rather proudly on my right wrist; I was also trying to get teachers and school office personnel to sign McGovern petitions my cousin had given me, without much success...

I watched with great interest the Watergate proceedings; and was most pleased when, on August 9, 1974, Richard Nixon resigned his presidency on the 5th anniversary of the Manson killings, as my family was on vacation in San Diego.

The short Gerald Ford era carried almost no weight; though it was during that time that I immersed myself even further into studying and reading about politics and the history of the American political system. Like an acne-riddled sponge, I could not soak up enough of it; and when Jimmy Carter won the Presidential election in November, 1976, I was way more elated than any 14 year old should have been.

I was THRILLED; and could not wait until '80, when I thought I'd be among those who would vote him into a second term in office.

In November of 1979, the Iran hostage crisis came. The Carter Presidency had already taken a number of hits; but this was the biggest one. When the failed attempt to rescue the hostages happened in Spring, 1980, it dealt a final death blow to Jimmy Carter's shot at a second term.

I voted for my first time, knowing full well JC was fucked. Ronald Reagan swept in on a tide of resurgent conservatism.

And, it was there, at that point in time, when the term "liberal" became a dirty word-- tainted and caked with politically motivated shit.

Thirty two years on, it has not recovered.

In 1984, I dutifully voted for the Mondale/Ferraro ticket, knowing full well they could not win. I say I knew they wouldn't win; but, it was a blow to my psyche to see them get routed as badly as they did.

At 22, I'd become disillusioned by it all. What was the point? How could "we" liberals ever hope to compete against God, flags, balloon releases, and all the other trappings the conservatives had turned into a perfectly orchestrated, Broadway-styled show designed to illustrate how awful and fuzzy-headed America's liberals were for, well, America?

By 1988, I was re-energized, and trying to be psyched for Michael Dukakis. He's from Massachussetts, I told myself; so maybe he's got a bit of Kennedy spirit in him. So, I bought in, wholeheartedly.

I went to the rallies. I ranted on about him on my radio shows. I tried to be as into it as I could; but, something troubled me, and I couldn't quite identify it.

He seemed too buttoned up; too clipped in his ability to stem his emotions. I kept waiting for his watershed firebrand moment: That instance in time where a candidate goes from merely being a careerist politician, to where they step across that personal line and say "fuck you" to the political angle, and just go for it as a human being-- without care or concern for their future career in politics.

Not only did Dukakis NOT do that, he rode in a tank. He also asked CNN's Bernard Shaw how he (Shaw) might react if his wife were raped and murdered.

Uh oh.

Beyond that, he committed the biggest crime the 26 year old me in 1988 could have envisioned:

He avoided, stridently, any alignment with the word "liberal".

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

When push came to shove; Michael Dukakis shoved all his grassroots supporters aside, as a way of not sullying himself, career-wise, with the word the Reagan movement had made so syphilitic:

Liberal.

I voted for Dukakis in November of 1988; only because of the time I'd put in.

I did not vote again until GW/Kerry of 2004. Kerry was a similar letdown; and the only reason i voted was because my girlfriend pushed me into it.

Yes, i'm a fucking idiot. All it got me was jury duty.

So, if you've actually read this, I assume you wanna rake me on not voting for most of the past 24 years. I guess that's your right; but, before you pass judgement, let me state my case here:

From the heavily influenced 10 year old who first came to sorta know politics in 1972, I have come a long way. My views, or ways of expressing them, may not be yours; but that doesn't invalidate my experience.

Further, I know there a great many out there who feel, rather stridently, that an uncast vote is somehow a wasted vote.

I disagree; loudly.

When my girlfriend (Alex) pushed into voting for Kerry in '04, I literally did so just so I wouldn't have to hear a long bullshit talk about what a fuck I was/am for not voting. It didn't matter that Kerry was a stick figure caricature of a democrat trying to bend over backward to try and satisfy the center and the right by oozing toward a "moderate" pose-- all the while hop-steppin' away from anything that might tie him to the word "liberal"...

As I stood in the voting booth at the old age home just outside Culver City, Calif., that day, I fucking hated myself.

To me, GW Bush was easily the worst President of my lifetime; and, if any number of political experts are to be believed, he is possibly the worst President this country has ever seen.

And, having said that, it sickened me to cast my vote for Kerry on that day; as I was not voting for someone I believed in-- I was casting my vote against someone.

The barely discernible lesser of two evils.

And this is what it all boils down to for me: Where are MY candidates? Why has the word "liberal" become such a demonized thing in the modern political climate? Why, and how, have religion, guns, and tax cures for the wealthy become so much more important than taking care of our weakest, protecting our most vulnerable, and ensuring that the middle class does not die off like the dinosaurs the Bible thumpers seem to believe never existed?

WHEN DID "LIBERAL" BECOME AS BAD A WORD AS GONORRHEA?!

Will there ever be a candidate in our lifetimes, who has the courage to call him/herself a "liberal", and use rational and cogent thought to beat back the fear-mongering that has tainted theterm for the past three plus decades?!

Must all our potential future leaders bow to the Bible, to the gun lobby, to the rich who seek to continue their hold on the puppet string that need not exist if just one voice in the wilderness will come screaming into the light, announcing a new level playing field on a brand new day?!

"Liberal" was never a bad word until the Reagan era. "Liberal" does not mean everyone is smoking weed and letting shit slide by while listening to folk music! Liberal means having an open mind; about both sides of an argument. Liberal is NOT just David Crosby singing about sharing berries with hitchhiking hippie chicks; it's about not arriving at narrow-minded conclusions based upon fairy stories, our even now-outmoded ways of settling a new land some 236 years ago.

So, America; will there ever be liberals in our service again? Will there ever be one who breaks through the stigma who just doesn't give a fuck about career aspects, and instead seeks to lead through his or her conscience?

Will we ever see such a stateman again; or are we doomed to the Bible/gun/money-worshipping robot paradigm that seems to have turned our alleged two party system into nothing more than two arms of the same monster?

Find us a voice who speaks to the rest of us; and I'll vote and campaign the shit out of it for them until the day I die.

Jury duty would be a joy...

Chris Checkman

Fuck You, America!

Dear America,
Fuck you! Fucking fuck you!

I love the land mass, and it's place on the map. I love, for the most part, the weather.

The people? Ehh, give or take.

Beyond that stuff, I am, for the most part, glad to have been born here.

But, having said that...

You, America, can go fuck yourself until you're red/white/blue in the face, as I am nearing the point where I am done with you.

Why?

Your priorities are totally fucked up. You cannot feed/clothe/medically look after your most vulnerable; but, somehow, those rich shits who live on the hill seem to be in line for perpetual protection.

STARVE THE POOR, BUT FEED THE RICH might as well be pressed onto our coins, as it seems to be the new American Way.

And now we have, yet again, another mass shooting.

This is where I would normally launch into an all-out assault (minus those legally protected gun rights so vital to 1775 only those powered and monied idiots still cling to) on the facts, horror and overall tragedy that befell us all in Newtown, Ct. this week...

But, why? And to what effect?

NO ONE'S FUCKING LISTENING!

Who fucking cares anymore on these shores if some gun-toting imbecile expresses his Constitutionally protected right to wail away on a school full of kids just learning to use their ABC's; because, that 2nd Amendment is there in case the government goes all crazy on us and tries to kill us in our own homes, right?

So, if a few (dozen) kids and teachers get mowed down by some fuckwit who stole Mom's legally owned assault rifle, and just happened to go all 2nd Amendment on her by shooting her in the face with it; before blowing the heads off toddlers and their teachers-- well, that's the price of freedom, ain't it?!

At what point does this all reach some sort of critical mass? At what point do we elevate from stupid penny-ante bloggers like me screaming into a vacuumed void and evolve into a bloc of people who have just fucking had it with living in a society that is both technologically advanced, yet somehow still governed by a most ruinous medieval mindset that is pushed along by the gun lobby and it's seemingly bottomless pockets?!

Can any of you gun fucks say Europe isn't onto something far more fitting for our modern world? Sure, them holding onto their foreskins is totally weird and icky; but, they've nailed the bigger issue here, so the foreskins ain't so bad in the long term.

But still, you, America; you just won't back down, will you? I understand that it's all part of the stance; the pose-- but, at what point does the clinging to the outmoded ways stall us all from moving forward? At what point do 'our' powers that be begin to recognize that the Earth, and those who populate it, are evolving well beyond our Stone Age contempt toward change?

For all his gun-totin' machismo in the movies, John Wayne died of a pedestrian case of stomach cancer. This week, 20 children and 6 teachers died from the real gunfire John Wayne NEVER faced in his movies.

Yet, he's on stamps for his portrayal of bravery-- if you consider ducking dummy bullets between lunches in air conditioned trailers to be "bravery".

Me? I consider the acts of those teachers who tried to shield their kids from REAL gunfire to be the real definitions of bravery.

America, you've let us all down today.

Chris Checkman

The Second Amendment Saves Us All Again. Except For Those Who Died...

This week, Inglewood, California and Brookfield, Wisconsin were lucky enough to receive a pat on the head from the Constitution of the United States Of America. This kind of acknowledgement is a high honor, indeed; and all it cost the people of these communities was the lives of some of their families, friends and neighbors.

High praise, and well earned!

In Inglewood, a psycho neighbor living in the back house decided to cover himself in bullet-resistant armor, set his house on fire, and then go and shoot up the family that lived in the front house. A father (who threw his body over his children to shield them from those bullets we all love, because they're a guaranteed part of the Constitution!) died, as did his 4 year old son.

His wife and two other children were severely injured, but are expected to survive.

Apparently, the Constitution provides for such protection against the children from the front house playing in the backyard.

Well done, Constitution!

Then today, in Wisconsin, another patriot defies a restraining order from his ex-wife, goes to the day spa where she works, and shoots three women dead, injuring several others.

Sadly, in both cases, these two true Americans who are upholding true American ideals, shot themselves before the NRA could give them the parades and lapel pins they so richly deserved...

Guess we can blame the hippie fag Jew-run media once again, right?

Children playing. Women at a spa going to work. People going to school. Folks at a movie theater. Etc., etc....

These are the enemies the outdated 2nd Amendment to the Constitution is protecting us against?!

By now, is there any real point in holding out hope that real thought and reason may ride into the picture at this 11th hour and somehow prevail over old ways of thinking? Right now, I am sad to sad that I think not. I mean, who gives a shit if children, students at school, people at work, or those shopping at a mall have to live under the ever-increasing shadow of possibly getting shot by some psycho fuckhead armed, not only with a gun; but a hallowed government document that gives him the "right" to possess such a weapon, provided he/she can pass a few simple background checks and tests?

And, hey, if you just happen to be at the restaurant, theater, mall, or even in your own home when he goes off-- well, that's just the price of being an American you should be happy to pay!

Because we're too stupid and cowed by the big money gun lobbies. Beyond that, our so-called leaders on the Left are too fucking concerned with tapdancing their way through the political process, so as not to alienate ANY potential voter; so they're not GONNA SAY SHIT that might in any way piss off the gun lobby, which will piss off certain portions of the hayseed/redneck/dumbshit voters they need to court in order to quell any talk of liberalism...

And, for this trade off, people get to keep dying! They get to die in parks, at gas stations, on jogging trails and even (conveniently) in their own homes. All because we've become too fucking cowed by the big bucks gun lobby, and the presumptive notion that to speak against guns makes us somehow un-American-- and our American God and his American Son, Jesus, will shit his vengance in all our faces should we dare to evolve so much as to even entertain a discussion that maybe, just maybe, all the shooting deaths in our country might in some small way be connected to...

Guns.

Mike Love: You Rat Bastard...

When I heard, earlier this week, that Mike Love had effectively "fired" Brian Wilson, Al Jardine and David Marks from the 50th Anniversary Beach Boys, and their tour, I tried to keep an open mind.

Maybe, thought I, the three in question were trying to reshape the band as a grindcore group, intent on some sort of bloodcircus/gore show that might alienate at least some of their core audeince.

I'm told this is not the case.

Maybe, thought I, about a thousand other scenarios that might make at least a little sense of this metaphoric machine gun in a geek's nightmare of a record store tragedy.

Believe me, people, I have run every realistic, and unrealistic, scenario I could possibly envision.

Trust me when I say that NONE of those test situations made ANY sense.

At fucking all.

(Yes, my use of all caps in certain moments is entirely-- ENTIRELY-- with merit. This is that kind of time...)

It should be noted that I think Mike Love one of the greatest voices in the history of music. I say this without a bit of qualification. To call his voice, and the words he wrote for the Beach Boys, merely "iconic" is to do Mr. Love a grave disservice.

Dismiss the contributions of Mr. Love to the Beach Boys in particular, and music in general if you must; but, do so at your own peril.

You will be wrong.

The Beach Boys would not have been what we know them to be without the voice, savvy and some key words from Mike Love. His contributions to not only the Beach Boys, but music in general, should be held well aloft-- and viewed as nothing less than monumental and legendary, as they are nothing less than that.

And possibly more.

However, in his firing of Brian Wilson, Al Jardine and David Marks (the American Pete Best...), Mike Love fucking well overstepped the bounds of everything that makes music sacred to us fucktards who have given our lives over to the sounds we first heard off Mom and Dad's vinyl way the hell back when....

Yes, it is understood that Mike Love somehow owns the Beach Boys' name/branding/etc.-- and that's all fine and well. Those of us long time fans GET IT that he's still (rightfully) pissed that Murry Wilson (father of Brian; and Carl and Dennis-- both of whom died way too young) sold their Sea Of Tunes catalogue to Irving/Almo Music in 1969 for the paltry sum of $700,000.

We get it, Mike Love! You were ripped off by Brian/Carl/Dennis' dad (your uncle)! We get what it is like to carry a grudge, and all that!

You got something of the short stick, Mike; and we've always known how much you've hated the idea that Brian was lauded as the damaged genius, while you were always deemed the commercial prick mercenary.

Guess what, Mike? Same thing has been said of Paul McCartney, in the shadow of John Lennon. While, again, not denying your contributions to the Beach Boys, Mike; Paul McCartney pretty much played every instrument he could lay his hands on, wrote/co-wrote a good half of the greatest back catalogue music will ever see, and...

He's never been nearly the vindictive cunt you're being right now!

While Paul McCartney will never be able to get out from under the hagiographic portrayal of John Lennon as some sort of guitar-wielding Christ figure; he's cool with it. Why?

Because he knows who he is, where he was, and what he did. He was there, and lets the records speak for themselves.

On the other hand, Mike, you've seemed to let your rage go slowly bitter and curdle up good over the last 45 or so years. No one has ever doubted your vocal prowess on the early hits; or the crucial passes on "Good Vibrations"-- but this was never enough for you, was it?

As Brian's mind and body went all fat and well to shit during the crucial "Pet Sounds"/"Smile" era, you seemed to focus only on your star in what you saw as it's descending period. Right?

From every tome us Beach boys fans have read, there have always been a number of us who have long tried to rally in your favor. We've tried to, somehow, put ourselves in your shoes/sandals in seeing what it must be like to have tangible talent in the studio rated against intangibles when it comes to seeing a fragile, fat man-- made seemingly of spun sugar, somehow lionized as that thing you could never be.

A genius.

And now, in the twilight of your careers/lives, somehow the Beach Boys get back together. Yes, Carl and Dennis are sorely missed; but, still, it's Brian, Mike, Al, Bruce Johnston and David Marks-- which, in it's own way makes the world seem right, if only for a moment.

So, why blow it up, Mike? Why play the "I own the name!" card when the fans are finally getting a real good look at the genius they've only heard through their headphones these past several decades?

Why kill the last chance any of us remaining true believers have to experience the sound and feeling that's been inside us since our earliest memories? Just what the fuck satisfaction do you get from that, Mike Love? What purpose is served, other than your insufferable ego, your sense of spite, and the dictator-like boner you get from burning down our memories?

Fuck you Mike Love. I know this was your big middle finger to Brian; but, in reality, you flipped us all off, all in the name of your pompous and petty arrogance.

Just goes to show that 45 years of Transcendental Meditation cannot erase a lifetime of being an insufferable narcissistic asshole...

chris checkman

The Zebras Matter

Did you see that? DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?!

Tonight's Monday Night Football contest between the Green Bay Packers and the Seattle Seahawks came down to one last play: A Hail Mary from about the Green Bay 27 yard line. With little time on the clock, Seattle's quarterback, Russell Wilson (a surefire star, as long as his coaches don't change him, at all...) dropped back, then stepped back even further. Although I had the Packers in my season-long pool, I found myself shouting at the television words along the line of  "no! Just throw it, you stupid cunt!".

So, Russell Wilson threw it. A floating, arcing spiral, it eventually found it's way to a clusterfuck of defensive and offensive players in the end zone.

All converged on the precious ball, for even at this very early point in the respective campaigns, the fortunes of an entire season rode upon the outcome of this one, sigular, play.

Green Bay defensive back M.B. Jennings leapt over the pile, grabbing the ball with two hands and pulled it to his chest, as Seattle receiver Golden Tate wrapped one arm precariously around the ball-- after having obviously pushed a Green Bay defender out of the way, in what anyone with eyes would've said was an offensive pass interference penalty.

One official ran in, signalling an interception for Green Bay; just as another ran in, giving a very unconvincing signal for a Seattle touchdown.

Cue the chaos.

Monday Night Football annoucers Mike Tirico and Jon Gruden took a look at the replay, went berserk, and just lit up the replacement officials that have been administrating the games since the beginning of preseason, owing to a league dispute over finances/other contract terms with the real referees.

Anyone with eyes could plainly see that the Packers got royally fucked on the Hail Mary call; but, because, by rule, who actually possessed the ball was not a reviewable call, the Seahawks wound up getting the win.

The Seattle Seahawks are going to be a fun, gritty team to watch in the next couple years. Even later this year, this mix of players (featuring the QB, Wilson) is going to coalesce and become an ever-increasing force in the league.

BUT, LIKE THIS?!!!

Say it ain't so, Roger!

One of my favorite sports reporters is Dan LeBatard of the Miami Herald. For the past year, he (and his father, Gonzalo) has also hosted an ESPN2 show called "Dan LeBatard Is Highly Questionable"-- a show some internet people seem to hate with an almost unreasonable amount of vitriol.

Personally, while I do not always agree with LeBatard, I like the show; as it is a mix of serious sports discussion, without taking ANY of it too seriously.

Anyway...

Last week, LeBatard said something that really took me by surprise, pissed me off to no end. In a discussion about the "real" refs who are holding out for a better deal, LeBatard kinda casually dismissed them as guys who "work 20 days a year", yet want increased salary/benefits.

(I'm paraphrasing, here)

I see the basic idea of the "20 days a year" argument; I do.

However, moreso than baseball or basketball, an NFL ref is someone who is not only a steward of the rules; but also an administrator whose application of said rules and regulations can also help safeguard players against possible catastrophic injuries...

Same, as I see it, as an NHL ref.

In baseball, balls and strikes are balls and strikes. In basketball, double dribbling or traveling are fairly self evident. This is not to minimize baseball umpires or basketball referees: I say this merely to point out that those sports depend on their on-field/on court administrators to look for rulebook violations and enforce the basic rules of the game.

In football, if the referees cannot control the game, shit can get out of hand to the point where the safety and well being of the participants can fall under great risk.

In these first 3 weeks of the NFL season (and the preseason before), we have seen a great pile of evidence that suggests that these replacement officials are, at best, greatly overwhelmed by the task they've been given.

At worst, it appears, more and more each week, that they are easily cowed and intimidated by the bright lights under which they're asked to perform-- and coaches and players are taking full advantage of the substitute teachers who are now all but hiding under their desks!

The result has been a through-the-looking-glass freakshow at the beginning of the 2012 NFL season-- and the litany of bizarre calls/non-calls/bad spots/inept interpretation of rules/etc/etc is so long and fucked up and weird that I believe this season should have some sort of small asterisk affixed to it so something like this can never happen again.

So, as much as I normally agree with LeBatard (which is about 75% of the time), I COMPLETELY disgree with him on this issue!

The ineptitude of the replacement refs would be one thing, in terms of the administration of what some might see as petty rules and whatnot-- and EVEN THAT FUCKING SUCKS BALLS!

But, given the increasing amount of concussions meted out during games that are now played by ever faster, stronger and heavier guys willing to go lights out on anyone they perceive standing between them and a sweet paycheck; LeBatard's dismissal of the officials as guys who "work 20 days a year" but want full time money/benefits is losing ground by the second.

Sure, tonight Green Bay was fucking jobbed by refs who were overwhelmed by the stage and bright lights. Yeah, it's mathematically possible Ed Hochuli and his guys might've missed the Hail Mary call tonight in Seattle; but, I doubt it...

chris checkman